Doing it Afriad

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I challenged myself to do all the things that scared me after I graduated from college four years ago. I ended up changing careers, falling in love, moving out on my own.

Yet, a few years later, after many successes, and a few painful failures, I find myself captive to fear again. What went wrong?

I have to say that after a few rough bouts with made for reality TV relationships, friendships and "just kicking it" (whatever that means) moments, I have been turned off relationships.

In my mind, I am a risk taker.

I am free to speak my mind, take a stance, try a new dish. And in many areas of my life I do just that. In other areas I am that girl who finds what she likes on the menu and orders it every time.

When someone has taken something from you, I mean really robbed you of something you greatly value, it is only natural to resist the source of that pain. For some time now I have come to the realization that I have been holding onto the pain of something deeply valued and lost.

I imagine God must relate. Jesus describes the kingdom of Heaven as being like a woman who lost a valuable coin from a set and looked everywhere until it was found. Perhaps God looks for us the way we look for Him in other things...

I was watching the Discover channel the other day, and tuned into a documentary about women in prisoners working to train dogs for people with disabilities. The dogs, most of which were slated to be destoyed, get a second chance for a good home. One woman, with epilepsy was training a dog who could sense when an episode could begin. When "graduation day" came for her dog she wept. "It is like sending a child off to college and never seeing him again" she said, "So many of us have lost in here-- children. It is hard. It is like you are investing in something that ill benefit someone else, which is good but sad."

I don't even care for dogs, and I have not been in jail, but I know what that woman meant about trial and failure and loss.

Yet fear is the opposite of faith. And so to have faith you must subdue fear.

I suppose the question is, are we willing?